How To Improve Your Marriage: Learn to De-Center
What Does It Mean to De-Center? Most of us see the world through the filter of our own experience. When something happens, we assign meaning to it—meaning taken from our personal history and the complex configuration of who we are. When, for example, our partner leaves the bed to sleep in the guest room, the…
What Happens in Marriage Counseling
The 2 Primary Goals of Marriage Counseling Importantly, the goal of marriage counseling or couples counseling is not to eliminate conflict. Any clinician who professes to be able to do this is being disingenuous. The first goal of marriage counseling is to enable the couple to argue well—to engage in conflict without destroying the other,…
How To Manage Strong Feelings in Therapy
The Importance of Connections With Others We are generally hard-wired to seek connection with others. Having strong connections functions in many important ways. It strengthens our ability to manage difficult thoughts and feelings, helps us navigate stressful circumstances without breaking down, and generally improves our ability to meet challenging life changes. In short, connections with…
CHILDHOOD DISAPPOINTMENTS: How They Impact a Marriage
When a couple sits down with me in my consulting room for the first time, the partners usually come prepared to describe the problems in their marriage. Often, they are angry and have lost their patience. They’re ready to point fingers at the other with accusations of “He always . . . ” and “She…
WORKING REMOTELY: Frequently Asked Questions for Individuals
If you’re new to therapy, or simply new to teletherapy and thinking about engaging in remote individual treatment, here are some FAQ’s that address the efficacy and practicality of working remotely with a mental health clinician. Q: What is teletherapy or video therapy? A: Teletherapy or video therapy is when the patient and the clinician…
Running Away From Yourself
This is the new normal. We’re suddenly alone with ourselves. What are you thinking about? What are you feeling? How are you coping? What’s bubbling up to the surface of your awareness? If you’re uncomfortable, you’re not alone. At least, you’re not symbolically alone. You are probably literally alone. And that’s part of the problem….
Phone Session: Does it Work?
These are confusing times. We’re working from home, separated from people we love and care about. We’re afraid of what we don’t know and don’t understand. We’re anxious for our own health and for the health of our communities, our families and our friends. People are asking about phone sessions. They want to talk to…
Holiday Distress: Why Isn’t My Life Perfect?
During the holidays, it’s easier than at other times to become sad or depressed. Holiday time is when our thoughts turn to family and friends. It’s a time when we feel our need to be surrounded by people whom we love and who love us. It’s when we miss people who are no longer with…
The Romance is Gone! 4 Ways to Restore Intimacy
One of the loudest complaints I hear in my Marriage Counseling practice here at Long Island Counseling is the romance that is gone! No more romantic dinners! No quiet evenings together! No special getaways! No romance in the bedroom! No pillow talk! We’ve lost the spark! Help! Sometimes, it’s obvious that things have changed. Some…
Forgiveness: Healing the Hidden Injury
Studies show that the practice of forgiveness can reduce depression, stress, anger and hurt. Forgiveness can generate a sense of peace, compassion, hope and self-confidence. It can put you on a path to healthier relationships and to a physically healthier you. Forgiveness influences us to open our hearts to beauty, kindness and love. To practice…