Self Assertion: Entitled to Feel Entitled
I recently heard about a woman’s second date with a man she had met online. They were both in their late 50’s, with careers and grown children. He was picking her up for breakfast, a quick get-together in the middle of the week. They had both enjoyed their first date and were each eager…
NARCISSISTS: Why It’s All About Them
The Narcissist: We’ve all met one! They’re hard to miss because they generate powerful reactions in us. They can anger us and make us feel we don’t exist. They can hurt us and make us feel our needs are not important. They often turn us into their personal audience; they have little interest in truly…
ARE YOU PRETENDING? False Self or Real Self?
A false self develops to accommodate the unspoken needs of a parent who’s continued love and support are connected to the child’s ongoing accommodations. A false self persists in the child long after the parent’s mandate is relevant and long after the child has grown. Tragically, a false self interferes with living an authentic and…
PSYCHOANALYSIS: Healing and Understanding
The problem with psychoanalysis is that it defies easy definition. We start with Freud who privileged a segmented mind at war with itself, and move through more than 100 years of theory and practice to arrive at the present. Today, psychoanalysis is a very broadly practiced treatment modality. At its most cutting edge, Freud’s main…
WHY SOME MARRIAGES FAIL: Repairing Past Injuries
Marriages fail. In fact, the American Psychological Association tells us that 40-50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. Why? Here’s an explanation . . . I want to try to write here about the unlikely union of Joe, the only child of middle-class parents and the object of his father’s distain for much of…
HOW TO FIGHT WELL: 5 Ways to Keep It Fair
Fights happen! All couples fight. It’s just that couples in healthy relationships fight better. Unhealthy relationships or marriages with a high degree of conflict suffer because the partners don’t know how to fight well. THE GOODNESS OF THE OTHER: Fighting well means holding on to the fundamental goodness of the other even when you’re hurting…
PERSPECTIVE: A Different Point of View
Why do partners argue? What’s at the heart of anger? When it comes to perspective, we can say that when a person’s perspective is felt to be disregarded, it causes resentment. When difference is not recognized, it, too, causes anger. Too much of this sort of relating can lead a person to feel they’re in…
BLAME: Preserving Power and Self-Esteem
Blame is different from holding someone responsible. Blame has a punitive quality, designed to do more than identify and hold someone responsible. Blame looks to inflict pain. BLAME vs. RESPONSIBILITY: Blaming someone very often carries with it the wish to make them feel bad. As I wrote above, this added component distinguishes blame from simply…
MEDITATION & ANXIETY: How to Approach It?
Learning to bring the anxious, chaotic mind under control with mindfulness training may be a large part of successful anxiety treatment and a large part of any therapy for anxiety. A good anxiety therapist should have a solid working knowledge of mindfulness training. DOES THE IDEA OF MINDFULNESS MAKE YOU ANXIOUS? You may feel even…
ANXIETY: Bringing the Chaotic Mind Under Control
Are you living with anxiety? Do you fear what’s around the next corner? Is anxiety affecting your quality of life, your sleep, work, or your relationships? MEDICATION? Do you take medication to manage your anxiety? Xanax? Klonopin? Buspar? Zoloft? Paxil? Lexapro? Anafranil? Are they wreaking havoc with your libido—killing your sex drive? Do they impact…