Sex takes place in the brain first!  Even with well-functioning sex organs, the ability to become aroused and sex hormones at appropriate levels, couples can fail to have satisfying sex.  That’s because if the self feels awkward, unsafe or distracted, the mind often can’t wall-off those feelings, and as a result, can’t surrender to any erotic impulses.

Here are 5 common problems that can interfere with good sex:

  1. Stress or Lifestyle Changes: If you’re overloaded by stressors, you’re undoubtedly not interested in sex. Stressors include children or family demands, financial worries, health concerns, career difficulties and more!
  2. Body Image & Self-Esteem: Feelings about your body can prevent you from feeling sexy.  Overweight, changes due to aging, childbirth or thinning hair are a few areas where body image and self-esteem can get in the way of initiating or responding to sexual advances.
  3. Relationship Issues: If there’s tension in the relationship, sex often becomes the casualty.  Conflicts over almost anything in the couple’s lives can play out in the bedroom.  And sexual issues can, in turn, take a toll on the quality of the relationship in general.
  4. Performance Anxiety: Both men and women worry about their sexual prowess—with questions about size, skill, and ability to orgasm.  And, with age, these issues often become more common.
  5. Expectations & Personal History: Your religious background, culture, family beliefs, as well as the media and your peers all shape your attitude toward sex.  For some people, these factors can complicate and interfere with sexual health.

How to restore a failing sex life?  For most couples—same-sex or male-female couples—the answer to this question lies with repairing one or more of the problems listed above that interfere with good sex!

Couples’ therapy which also addresses the couple’s sex life can help to discover and then to work with the couple, resolving hidden problems, conflicts, confusion, and questions about intimacy and closeness.

A good marriage counselor or couples therapist can provide safe, specifically tailored treatment that addresses the couples’ needs directly.  The couple typically comes in for treatment on a weekly basis.  Together, under the guidance and expertise of the clinician, they diagnose the problem, then work to heal past injuries and to find lasting solutions that help prevent relapses and reoccurrences in the future.  The couple learns to argue constructively, to listen productively, and to navigate the complexity of relationships.  They learn to identify their needs as they also explore their sexual life together, working to improve sensitivity, compassion and mutual generosity.

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