CAN WE WORK IT OUT: How To Decide?

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DISCERNMENT COUNSELING HELPS YOU DECIDE . . .

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Are We Compatible? Couples facing the question whether to try to repair the marriage or divorce typically ask the question: are we compatible?

All Couples Fight:  And couples certainly get on each other’s nerves.  Living together is sometimes like a train wreck waiting to happen.  Bad habits are annoying.  Familiarity can lead to loss of respect.  Wounds from long ago inevitably reappear.  

Confusion Reigns:  The couple that doesn’t know how to be compatible can find themselves engaged in conflict or other dysfunction, unclear about how they got themselves there and confused about whether to split or to work it out.  They ask: Are we compatible?  Is our marriage over?  

Infidelity and a Loss of Intimacy:  Often it’s at this point that one partner engages in infidelity or an affair.  There’s overall disengagement from each other. There’s a loss of intimacy.  Sex and erotic interaction are sidelined, and the each of you moves further and further apart from the other.  

Compatibility Doesn’t Fall From the Sky!   It’s not like a wedding present that you receive when you get married!  It’s not a genetic mutation that some couples are lucky enough to have and others not. It isn’t available on line, from your folks, or by going on an expensive vacation.  And it certainly doesn’t come with the baby.

What is Compatibility?  Compatibility is essentially, a set of skills that enable people to work harmoniously with one another without being destructive either to oneself or one’s partner.  The failing marriage is a consequence of not having these skills.  When neither partner understands how to negotiate, compromise, and show compassion; when neither partner is able to use humor, kindness, gratitude and generosity in their dealings with one another, then they’re incompatible and the marriage becomes less and less satisfying as each feels injured and resentful.  

Is Discernment Counseling for You? If there’s been infidelity or an affair, if communication has broken down, if you’re lonely in the relationship, if your feeling confused about whether to seek divorce or try to work it out, discernment counseling might be right for you.  

Discernment Counseling is Not Marriage Counseling!  It does not help you to work on your marriage.  Rather, it helps both partners decide what to do: to engage in intensive marital therapy for a period of time to see whether things can be corrected, or to proceed with divorce.  
You’re Each Leaning Toward Different Outcomes: Discernment Counseling can help even if the partners each want different outcomes; if one partner wants to try to reconcile and the other is leaning toward divorce, Discernment Counseling can still help clarify your positions and help you be the best you can be in the decision-making process, and ultimately, help you make the best, most informed decision you can make.

Contact Us!

Long Island Counseling

Long Island Counseling
Lisa Lempel-Sander LPsyA
Licensed Psychoanalyst
221 Hollywood Ave
Douglaston NY 11363

Contact Us Today!

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Couples & Marriage Counseling

Professional marriage counseling and couples therapy helps heal after an affair or infidelity, helps build trust and improve communication, helps resolve arguments about money or sex, and teaches you what each needs to promote intimacy and emotional connection. For all couples looking to strengthen their relationship.

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Anxiety & Depression

Therapy provides support and direction in overcoming addiction and substance abuse, in resolving anxiety, depression and other emotional pain including lack of confidence and low self-esteem. Therapy helps with clarifying sexual orientation, gender-based identity questions, LGBT issues, gay and lesbian questions.

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Relationship In Crisis

Discernment Counseling has one goal: to help you decide whether to stay in the relationship and try to work it out, or to leave. Discernment Counseling treats both partners even when there’s disagreement about the desired outcome. Discernment Counseling is a brief, highly-focused protocol with just one goal: helping you decide.