When you are having sexual issues in your relationship, it can feel hopeless. Maybe everything else in your relationship is great, but the sexual component has just never quite come together. Maybe your sex life has always been great, but recently, due to stress, arguments, or other factors, it has lost its luster. Maybe you or your partner have been struggling with sexual dysfunction, and your intimacy has essentially evaporated. Regardless of the circumstances, sex therapy is a tool that you could use to better your sex life and increase your emotional connection to your partner. If you are looking for couples counseling on Long Island, whether for sexual problems or otherwise, contact us. We can help you discuss your issues in a nonjudgmental environment. In the meantime, if you are wondering what exactly sex therapy looks like, read this blog for more information on what you can expect from your session.

What is Sex Therapy?

Some people are under the impression that sex therapy involves participating in some kinky, deviant behaviors with your therapist or in your therapist’s office, but this couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex therapy is just like any other sort of psychotherapy, but with a therapist who has specific training to treat sex and relationship problems. While you will discuss intimate issues, you will not actually be having sex in your therapist’s office, nor will your therapist be involved in any sex act with you. Instead, you will discuss the issues you are having in the bedroom, come up with some goals for your sexual intimacy, and your therapist will help you work towards those goals.

Why Should I See a Sex Therapist?

Many couples who are having issues with intimacy may initially seek couples counseling. For some, this will be enough to help them with their sexual issues, but some people will find that they need someone who is specially trained in working with clients on sexuality. If your concerns are primarily about your sex life, an accredited sex therapist can provide you with the guidance you need.

What Happens During a Sex Therapy Session?

During your first therapy session, your therapist will need to get background information on your relationship and your specific problem. What specific conversations you have and exercises you do will be dependent on what has brought you to therapy. Many people find it uncomfortable to talk about sex, and you may feel out of your element at first. Don’t worry; this is normal. Your therapist will work with you to open the lines of communication and create a nonjudgmental atmosphere where you can feel safe expressing your true feelings. With the aid of your therapist, you will discuss with your partner the issue, learning more about each other’s needs and wants while working through the relationship stressors that may be contributing to your loss of intimacy. Because your sex therapist has experience talking about sex with couples, they will be able to create an environment that allows you to candidly discuss the problems that people are often too afraid to talk about when they are with their partner alone.

Common Reasons to Seek Sex Therapy

You may be under the impression that your sexual issues aren’t severe enough to get therapy, or you may think it is such a big problem that you may wonder if a sex therapist would even be able to help. Sex therapy is a solution for a wide variety of problems, and don’t discount your issues from that list. Here are some common reasons why couples seek sex therapy.

Low Sex Drive

The most common problem that people see sex therapists for is a lack of sexual desire. Whether it is you or your partner, one of you is just simply not feeling “in the mood” recently. While low sex drive is more common in women, it is also common for men to experience. The trouble with low sex drive is that it can be caused by so many different factors, from hormonal imbalances to certain medications to emotional issues within a relationship. This is where a sex therapist can be very helpful. If it is a medical issue, going to therapy will not solve it; however, talking to a sex therapist can help you establish the cause. If it is an emotional or psychological issue, a therapist can help you get to the root of the trouble in order to help elevate your sex drive.

Different Sex Drives

Maybe you would like to have sex every day, while your partner is satisfied with twice a month. It is common for sex therapists to see issues like this. Mismatched sex drives can be very frustrating for both partners involved, but a sex therapist can help you work to change your perspective on the issue. Sometimes, this is an issue of being TOO close to your partner as opposed to not being close enough. For the partner with a lower sex drive, it may help to gain more independence, as spending time apart may invigorate their desire for their partner. Regardless of the method, your sex therapist can help you find the right course of action for coping with your different sex drives.


After one partner cheats, if the couple decides to stay together, they may have problems re-establishing intimacy. After that trust has been broken, they may feel insecure, uncomfortable, ashamed, or unsure of how to initiate sex. In sex therapy, a couple can work together to restore trust and move past infidelity.

Sex After Having Children

After a couple starts having kids, it is common for their sex life to suffer. Between late night feedings and mom’s changing body and the general stress of new parenthood, it is no wonder that many parents stop having sex all together once their little ones come around. However, it is important to maintain your own relationship outside of parenthood for the sake of your union. A sex therapist can teach you skills that allow you to keep seeing your partner as the person you fell in love with, rather than simply your child’s other parent. For a start, your therapist may recommend you get a lock for your bedroom to ease anxiety around your child bursting in, or keep the spark alive by having a date night once a week.

Lack of Orgasm

For a variety of reasons, many women struggle to orgasm with their partners. For this reason, women often come to sex therapists, whether by themselves or with a partner. During sex therapy, your therapist may help you by teaching you anatomy of the female body, as well as techniques for sexual stimulation. Often, they will suggest that you explore your own body through masturbation when alone at home to learn how to orgasm by yourself, without the pressure to perform.

At Long Island Counseling, we offer couples counseling and sex therapy. If you and your partner are struggling with intimacy issues, there is hope. Schedule a session with us today, and we can help you work through these problems and help light the spark in your relationship once again. Contact us today to learn more.