Are We Compatible?
DISCERNMENT COUNSELING CAN HELP
Are We Compatible? Couples in crisis and considering splitting up usually ask this question: Are we compatible?
All Couples Fight: And couples certainly get on each other’s nerves. Living together is sometimes like a train wreck waiting to happen. Bad habits are annoying. Familiarity can lead to loss of respect. Wounds from long ago inevitably reappear.
Confusion Reigns: The couple that doesn’t know how to be compatible can find themselves engaged in conflict and other dysfunction, confused about how they got there and confused about whether to split up or to work it out. They ask: Are we compatible? Is our marriage over?
Infidelity and a Loss of Intimacy: Often it’s at this point that one partner engages in infidelity or an affair. There’s overall disengagement from each other and from the relationship. There’s a loss of intimacy. Sex and erotic interaction are sidelined, and each of you moves further and further apart from the other.
Compatibility Doesn’t Fall From the Sky! It’s not like a wedding present that you get when you marry! It’s not a genetic mutation that some couples are lucky to have and others not. It doesn’t come from on line, from your folks, or by going on an expensive vacation. And it certainly doesn’t come with the baby.
What is Compatibility? Compatibility is essentially, a set of skills that enable people to work harmoniously with one another without being destructive either to oneself or one’s partner. The failing marriage is a consequence of not having these skills. When neither partner understands how to negotiate, compromise, and show compassion; when neither partner uses humor, kindness, gratitude and generosity in their dealings with one another, then they’re incompatible. The marriage becomes less and less satisfying as each feels injured and resentful.
Is Discernment Counseling for You? If there’s been infidelity or an affair, if communication has broken down, if you’re lonely in the relationship, if your feeling confused about whether to seek divorce or try to work it out, if you don’t know what to do, discernment counseling might be right for you.
Discernment Counseling is Not Marriage Counseling! It does not help you to work on your marriage. Rather, it helps both partners decide what to do: to engage in intensive marital therapy for a period of time to see if things can be corrected, or to proceed with divorce.
When You’re Each Leaning Toward Different Outcomes: Discernment Counseling can help even if the partners each want different outcomes; if one partner wants to try to reconcile and the other is leaning toward divorce, Discernment Counseling can still help clarify your positions and help you be the best you can be in the decision-making process, and ultimately, help you make the best, most informed decision possible.
DISCERNMENT COUNSELING Helps Couples Decide What to do Next:
- Do Nothing
- Proceed Toward Divorce
- Engage in an Intensive Period of Reconciliation Counseling for a Limited Period of Time To See Whether the Marriage Can Be Saved
DISCERNMENT COUNSELING Helps Couples Even When They Don’t Agree:
- Discernment Counseling treats both partners but doesn’t force any outcome
- Discernment Counseling works with conflicted couples
- Discernment Counseling is not marriage counseling